Time for a Dance Break

OK, last post of the evening, this blogging lark is getting in the way of my NZ Sauvignon addiction.  Seriously, don't get between me and the Sauvignon.

This week's dance break is all hail La GaGa.  Her new single, Born This Way, was debuted at the recent Grammy Awards and has already created a bit of a stir (first single to chart at No 1 on every global i-Tunes simultaneously apparently).

To be honest she could have subtitled it "I love the gays, give me your money you fucking freaks", and there have been allegations of ripping off Madonna's Express Yourself, however this one has had me dancing round the flat like a proper gayer.  The cat looks very disturbed, and my neighbours must hate me.

Adverts - what were they thinking?

Now perhaps I shouldn't let TV adverts wind me up, but coming from a marketing background I am painfully aware of the lengthy, ball-achingly over-complicated process that goes into producing some of the shit that graces our tellyboxes in the ad breaks.  The hours of self-important brain showers and creative workshops; the pissing contests between colleagues discussing such minor details that most normal people wouldn't give a fuck about; the 100s of thousands of pounds that are paid to uber-cool advertising agencies just to state the fucking obvious.

(Note to self - must find new career path.....).

Anyway, in my newly redundant state I have been watching a fair amount of telly, and already a couple of ads have caught my eye as being eye-wateringly shit.


Dove Invisible Dry Deodorant

Now deodorant adverts are normally pretty bland, inoffensive things (I'm not including Lynx in this statement, as it is actually not a deodorant but a body spray fact fans).  And the new Dove offering is no different - a lovely selection of  'real ladies' spouting about how this deodorant has changed their lives.

But what this advert gets is the award for "I'm a global brand, but my marketing department is so cheapshit that we produce one global advert then dub it badly into the local lingo".  Watch out for the scouser that opens the ad - the matching of voice to talking head is SO bad that you can only assume that someone in Dove's ad agency was very pissed off (or pissed) that particular day.

http://www.tellyads.com/show_movie.php?filename=TA12419


Nescafe 3 in 1 Coffee

Oh where to start?  You can imagine the product development brainstorm "Yeah, it's like a bit difficult to make a cup of instant coffee, with like having to get milk out of the fridge, and sugar from the cupboard and stuff.  Perhaps we can appeal to a younger consumer by making it like really simple?  It worked for Wash n' Go ("Take two bottles into the shower? Not me..."), dishwasher tablets that don't even need unwrapping, remember the massive success of instant tea??

OK, perhaps not instant tea, but there's definitely a market for lazy-assed bastards that can't be fucked to make a cup of coffee."

If the premise for the product wasn't bad enough, the advert is truly toe curling.  Imagine a bunch of attractive 20-somethings the morning after a house party (not Skins teens after a party, they would be far too busy necking Red Bull and lighting up a Marlboro Light first thing, rather than a cup of Nescafe with powdered milk).

The voice-over chimes in with "We all know that after party feeling...", with lots of guilty/awkward looks from the beautiful housemates.  Now I'm sorry, but the things you would normally feel guilty about after a party aren't going to be cured by a mug of sweetened, whitened instant coffee.  Snarfing all of the drugs, puking down the back of the sofa, trying to fuck your best mate's partner and pissing in your housemate's wardrobe - now THAT means that you're subject to a restraining order and evicted, not bonding over a nice cup of warming Nescafe.

http://www.nescafe.co.uk/3in1

The bitch is back

Missy Watson

Hey GOGers, it's been awhile.  Quick explanation of my prolonged absence from the blogosphere - copious amounts of medication and therapy had finally tempered my grumpier side - still miserable, just not very entertaining.  Plus I bought a kitty, which for reference is better than Prozac.  All resulting in me losing my grumpy mojo.


Until Thursday.  When I was unceremoniously dumped from my job of 7 years prostituting myself daily in the name of luxury personal stationery - actually, it's a way of life, not just stationery - apologies, I am hardwired to spout marketing bullshit and still suffering from auto bollocks speak.  Hopefully that will subside in time.

Happy days - pic by Oni

I could actually devote an entire blog to pouring out creative expletives about my ex-employers but 1. I would like to retain a shred of dignity in this whole sorry mess, and 2. they haven't paid out my (tiny) redundancy payment yet.

As a result the darker side of my character has returned, but hopefully not quite as dark as last year.  In the nature of all relaunches, GOGblog will no longer be ALL grumpy but will also be balanced with things that have made me happy recently, or just stuff that I decide to post for the sake of it.  But fear not, there will still be a healthy sprinkling of truly poisonous comment to lighten/darken your day.