Big Brother - this is as live as it gets

Mmmmmmm - the series is sponsored by a spot cream.  Not a good start really, is it?  Be honest.

First two, Josie and Steve.  Dull (though congrats on stirring up a bit of national pride, Help the Heroes blah blah with the blown up HM Forces man) - classy move Channel 4.

Ben - posh dim twat.  And that fucking hair.  And he wears a kimono.  TWAT.  And make-up??  Posh gayer??

Rachel - hehehehehe, I just act stupid and helpless - silly bitch.

Nathan - cock.  And wearing 3/4 length jeans.  Probably from a catalogue.  Or Next.

Dave - loves God.  Used to have a life, but then found God.  Bad haircut.

Caiohme - wannabe lesbian - dull.  Ridiculous name, sounds like beaver.

Govan - bobble hat and blazer.  Nuff said.  Gayer??












Commercial Break


Nom nom nom Fru (the fruit version of Gu) Fru Mango and Passion Fruit Mini Cheesecakes - oh Fru - for something that doesn't involve bodily fluids or Class As, how are you so nice??

PR - outreach to me please!

And your evil twin Gu Cheeky Little Pots au Chocolat - chocolate mousse, but with a shot of heroin.  I kid you not.  Try it.  You might like it.  Go on.  You know you want to.

Shabby - oh just FUCK OFF.  I SAID FUCK OFF.

Ife - pretty.  Like a young Sinitta.  Quite like her actually.

John James - no you do not look like David Beckham.  You're quite fit, but not all that. Sorry.

Sunshine - she made that name up.  No really.  Glues crystals onto things, and she's older than 10.

Corin - "I pass for 23/24".  "I'm a Jordan lookalike". Are you fucking joking? I HATE YOU ALREADY.









Mario - he's going to be a mole.  No really.  A mole.  He has to wear a mole outfit and everything.  It's fucking hilarious.  I love it when they do this twist to the series every year.  Gets me every time.


Well.  What can I say.  Was that it?  Hello??  Anyone there?........